How Therapy can Help: Finding your way in the dark
As the days get shorter, I'm reminded of my first autumn living in the UK. Before I moved here in 2017, everyone warned me about all the rain. No one told me about the darkness. When I arrived, the days were already getting shorter. I found a job and began my daily commute. It wasn’t long before it was very dark when my workday ended.
The quickest route home took me down a long, winding lane in what looked like the middle of nowhere. Big trees lined both sides, making it impossible to drive off the road without crashing into one. Not only was I unfamiliar with the terrain, I also wasn’t used to driving on such narrow roads. Every time I needed to pass a car coming the other direction, I nearly had a panic attack. I remember gripping the wheel shaking with fear.
So that winter, I navigated around that road because I was afraid to travel it in the dark. Even though it added ten or fifteen minutes to my journey home, I went a different way.
And then as time passed, the days got longer until one day, I tried that route again. And even though the road was still narrow, in the light, it wasn’t as scary. And so I went that way. And I kept going that way when the second autumn rolled round and the days began getting shorter again. The second dark season on that road, my panic was gone. I knew the road because I had learned it in the light.
Reflecting on the physical realities of living through the changing light, I am reminded of the strength of the metaphor too. That in times of darkness, we can rely on the changing seasons. This too shall pass. And if you practice the way enough times in the daylight, you can take the same route through when the darkness comes back without fear.
Therapy can be a place to practice things in the light. When you’re “in the dark” — struggling with anxiety, loneliness, or self-doubt — everything feels harder. Small things (like a decision, a meeting, or even a conversation) can feel like those oncoming headlights on a narrow road: panic-inducing, overwhelming, impossible.
Therapy can be a space to notice our thoughts, soothe our anxiety, and learn how to be kinder to ourselves. Over time, that practice builds something steady inside you. So, when life feels dark again, we’re not gripping the wheel in fear. This doesn’t mean we avoid the darkness or pretend it isn’t hard. It means we trust ourselves to find our way through it. We don’t panic as easily. We know the road. We’ve built resilience.
If you’re ready to stop taking the long way around and want to learn a steadier path through the dark, therapy might be a good place to begin.
